Reconnect with Your Spouse: Easy Changes You Can Make Today

No matter what phase of life you’re in, you can use these simple tips to help you reconnect with your spouse and keep that connection alive!

After 8 years of marriage and 2 kids with my husband, Josh, I’ve learned quite a few ways to keep our spark alive. There are so many little things we do in our everyday lives that help us connect.

This is a long blog post with a lot of information! Don’t let it overwhelm you.

The trick is to find what works for your marriage. We don’t do everything that’s in this blog post. Not everything would work for us.

My suggestion is to try different things until you find the right balance for your marriage.

Is it normal to feel disconnected with your spouse?

It’s normal to feel disconnected with your spouse sometimes. It’s when the disconnection becomes a regular occurrence that you should start to question it.

Let’s face it: life happens. We get caught up in work, the kids, chores, and our never-ending to-do list. The longer you’ve been married, the more chances there are to become disconnected.

Utah State University wrote a great article about the reasons spouses become disconnected. Reading it might make you feel better about your current disconnection.

Is it possible to reconnect with your spouse?

Reconnecting with your spouse is possible if you put in the work. You can make small changes that will help lay the foundation for a stronger, more connected marriage.

Don’t let your spouse turn into your roommate. Start making changes today.

Ways to reconnect with your spouse

Reconnecting is such an important and broad topic. In this section, I’ll begin with some general tips. The sections that follow will have more specific tips to help you reconnect.

Reflect

Before you begin, take some time to reflect. I always like to start with reflection because it helps you figure out your current baseline.

Here are some things you’ll want to think about:

• What is currently working well?
• What is not working well?
• What have we done in the past that worked well?
• Where do we want our marriage to be in 5 years?
• Where have each of us faltered?

Answering these questions will help guide you down the best path towards reconnecting with your partner.

Learn conflict resolution techniques

Conflict resolution is so important for marriages. Arguing with your spouse isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s how you argue and whether you use conflict to grow or hurt your marriage.

Also consider how well you both do at compromising. It’s a simple yet powerful tool to help you resolve disagreements with your spouse.

Learn to communicate

Do you openly criticize each other? Or do you speak to each other with kindness?

Do you talk to your spouse about how you’re feeling? Or do you tend to bottle it up?

Communication problems could be keeping you from connecting with your spouse. You’ll want to take a look at how you both communicate if you want to reconnect.

Appreciate each other more

Do you feel appreciated? Does your spouse? Bring more appreciation into your marriage by asking your spouse these questions:

• Do you feel appreciated?
• What do I currently do to make you feel appreciated?
• What could I do to make you feel more appreciated?

I have a 30 day appreciation challenge you can download by subscribing to my email list here.

Connect when you are apart

If one of you travels for work, it can be easy to feel disconnected. You can still reconnect, even when your spouse is out of town.

Here are some of the things Josh and I do when he’s traveling:

• Start every day with “good morning” and end every night with “good night”. Even if it’s just a quick text or phone call
• Ask each other some conversation starters
• Watch a show “together” by watching the same show at the same time. Talk about it afterwards.
• Talk to each other about your days.
• Send each other funny texts to lift your spirits

Make romance a priority

I’ll admit that I’m not the romantic one in our marriage: Josh is! Romance doesn’t come naturally for some people. And that’s completely ok!

Read my interview with a romance coach to learn more about how easy romance can be! The simplest gestures can be romantic and mean a lot to your spouse.

If you’re really having trouble in this area, ask your spouse what they’d like! For example, Josh once told me he wished I would plan a surprise date for us. So I did.

It really can be that easy. Different people will find different actions romantic. Talking to your spouse about what they find romantic will help you get a better idea of what changes to make.

Activities to reconnect with your partner

If you’re looking for things to do to reconnect with your spouse, here are some activities you’ll want to try together.

Start a new hobby together

Sit down with your spouse and make a list of things you each like to do. Then make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Compare your lists and see if any of the items overlap.

If you need help coming up with ideas, here’s an extensive list of hobbies couples can do together.

Make date night a priority

When was the last time you and your spouse went on a date? I know babysitters are expensive, but your marriage is worth it! Work out a budget that is reasonable for your family.

Josh and I always make date nights a New Years Resolution. For example, we might say that we’ll go on 8 dates throughout the year. It helps remind us of our priorities.

Here are some easy ways to fit in a date night:

• Have a date night at home
• Have a bookstore date night
• Do a date night box together

If you’re wondering how often married couples should go on dates, this blog post will help you figure that out!

Exercise together

Did you know that exercising with your spouse comes with a lot of benefits? Working out together is a great way to reconnect and cheer each other on.

Doing a fitness challenge together is a great idea if you are looking to reconnect with your spouse. Help motivate each other and learn from each other’s strengths.

Have a game night

Games are a great way to connect. And they can be done after the kids go to bed.

Did you know there are cooperative board games too? You don’t have to compete with your spouse. You can work together to solve a challenge.

Here are our favorite board games to play together!

What to talk about with your spouse to reconnect

The more you get caught up in your daily responsibilities, the easier it becomes to stop talking to your spouse. Sure, you probably talk about work and the kids. But do you really talk to each other?

Think back to when you and your spouse were dating and first getting to know each other. What sort of things did you talk about? Approach reconnection with your spouse in this same way. Think of it as getting to know your spouse all over again.

Reconnecting with your spouse questions

Conversation starters are a great way to reconnect with your spouse. My suggestion is to make a fun date out of it! Put the kids to bed and sit down together over a nice meal or fun beverage.

Intentionally dedicating time to talk to your spouse will help you reconnect even more! Remember to keep an open mind and create a safe space for your spouse to voice their opinions. Doing so will help you get to know them all over again!

Here are some lighthearted questions to help you reconnect with your spouse:

• What’s your favorite memory of us together?
• If we could go on a spontaneous trip right now, where would you want to go?
• What’s a silly inside joke we have that you love?
• What’s one activity we used to enjoy doing together that we haven’t done in a while?
• If we were characters in a romantic comedy, how would our love story play out?
• If we could trade places for a day, what would you want to experience in my daily life?
• What’s one small gesture that always makes you feel loved and appreciated?
• If we could have any pet, real or imaginary, what would it be and why?
• What’s one thing you admire or appreciate about me that you’ve never told me before?
• What’s a new hobby or activity you’ve been wanting to try together?

Here are some deeper questions to help you reconnect:

• What are your hopes and dreams for our future together?
• How do you feel our communication has been lately? Is there anything you’d like to improve?
• How has our relationship changed over time (dating vs marriage, no kids vs kids)?
• What do you think is the most important aspect of a strong, healthy relationship?
• Have there been any challenges or conflicts between us that you feel we haven’t fully addressed?
• Think about a challenge we’ve been through that you feel made us stronger. How or why did it help our marriage?
• How can we better support each other emotionally and mentally in our day-to-day lives?
• What goals do you have for yourself and how can I help support you?
• Is there anything from your past that you feel still impacts our relationship today?
• What role do you think forgiveness plays in maintaining a healthy relationship?
• How do you define love? How has your definition evolved since we’ve been together?
• Are there any fears or insecurities you have about our marriage? How can we work together to address them?

If you like conversation starters, here are our favorites!

Reconnecting with your spouse after baby

Prioritize your marriage

I surveyed over 300 married couples and found that only 53% prioritize their marriage over their kids. Those who prioritize their marriage report a lot of great benefits such as:

• Having a stronger marriage
• Prioritizing their kids better
• Having a stronger bond with their kids
• Minimizing empty nest syndrome in the future

It can be hard to focus on your marriage after having a baby. But if you want to reconnect with your spouse, you’ll need to start by prioritizing them and your marriage.

Stop fighting about parenting

It can be so easy to lose your connection with your spouse if you’ve been arguing over important things. And when it comes to your kids, every argument feels so very important.

Before you begin to reconnect with your spouse, you need to stop fighting. You’ll find these two blog posts VERY helpful:

• How to Stop Fighting With Your Husband Over Parenting
• How to Stop Saying “I Hate Parenting With My Husband”

How to reconnect with your spouse after infidelity

Work on rebuilding trust

After infidelity, it’ll be difficult to trust the unfaithful spouse. Both of you need to work on being honest in your marriage.

The more you practice honesty, the better chances you have of reconnecting with your spouse after infidelity.

Learn to forgive

I don’t have personal experience with infidelity and I acknowledge that every situation is different. But if you’re adamant about reconnecting with your spouse after they’ve been unfaithful, you’ll need to learn to forgive them.

If you can’t get past what your spouse did, it’ll be difficult to truly reconnect with them.

Frequently asked questions

How do I emotionally reconnect with my husband again?

You can emotionally reconnect with your husband by taking a look at the emotional intimacy in your marriage. If your marriage lacks emotional intimacy, you’ll need to figure out what isn’t working and start taking steps to change things.

You can start by being more vulnerable with each other. Open the lines of communication and share how you are feeling. It’s such a simple but important start to reconnect emotionally.

How do you reconnect a disconnected marriage?

A disconnected marriage can be reconnected through small changes that can be done every day. Turn these changes into habits that will continue on throughout your marriage.

Reconnect with your partner in 30 days

This challenge is designed to help you connect using a wide range of marriage tips. Some days will be simple. Others will require you to dig deep and make some big changes. If you’re ready to put in the work, keep reading!

If you’d like a FREE printable of this challenge, I created a document you can access after subscribing to my email list. Just fill out the form below!

Day 1: Reflect on your actions

It’s time to own up to your actions. How have you contributed to the disconnection in your marriage?

It’s hard to acknowledge your faults. But it’s such a healthy way to begin this challenge. You can recognize areas you need to work on and use that throughout these next 30 days.

Day 2: Talk about more than work and the kids

Ask your spouse 5 questions today that focus on them. Make sure to listen attentively. Ask follow up questions so you can have a conversation together.

You can use the questions above, buy some conversation starters, or come up with your own!

Day 3: Schedule a date

Google fun things to do in your area or the best restaurants. Do something you both enjoy doing and make it a goal to get your next date scheduled.

Day 4: Practice a conflict resolution strategy

How often do you interrupt your spouse when they are speaking?

Practice not interrupting them when you are both happy. It will quickly become a skill you can use when you are having an argument.

Day 5: How does your spouse want you to communicate?

We all have different communication styles. Ask you spouse this question: “How can I improve my communication with you?”

Your spouse might need some time to think about this. And that’s fine!

By asking this question, you’re showing your spouse you care.

Day 6: Work on honesty

Are you completely honest with your spouse? Use this day to reflect on areas you have failed to be honest and own up to them.

Challenge yourself to always be honest with your spouse.

Day 7: Say thank you for something specific

What’s one thing your spouse did today that you’re thankful for? I’m willing to bet you actually come up with more than one!

The more you look for something to be thankful for, the easier it’ll become to notice.

Day 8: Apologize

Where have you faultered recently? Own up to it and apologize to your spouse.

Day 9: Choose to see the good

How often do you focus on your spouse’s faults or mistakes? Your spouse is a good person. That’s why you married them.

Today, I want you to change your mentality and only focus on your spouse’s good qualities and actions. You’ll be amazed at how this changes your mindset!

Day 10: Be present

Put your phone down and really focus on being present with your spouse today. Give your spouse the gift of your attention when you’re with them today.

Day 11: Start and end the day together

Do you wake up and go to bed at different times? What’s something small you can do to make sure you begin and end each day together?

It can be as simple as a kiss and an “I love you”. Or as elaborate as waking up earlier to have breakfast together before the kids get up. Do what works for you.

Day 12: Compliment your spouse

What is something nice you say to your spouse today? You can compliment their actions, personality traits, or appearance.

Day 13: Compromise on something

Do you have any ongoing disagreements with your spouse? Is there a way you can find a compromise together?

Try seeing the situation from their perspective. Your spouse will see the effort you are putting in to reconnect and will appreciate you for it.

Day 14: Consider companionship with your spouse

Do you consider your spouse to be your companion? Companionship in marriage is about being each other’s best friend, confidant, and partner.

Take the day to think about how your spouse is your companion. Do you enjoy spending quality time together and sharing experiences?

Day 15: Acknowledge your hard work

You and your spouse both put a lot of work into your marriage. Today, I want you to think about what each of you does to make your marriage work.

Remember that even the smallest things contribute to a successful marriage. Acknowledge them. Praise your spouse for them.

Day 16: Reflect on what’s working

Now that you’re halfway through the challenge, what has gone well? Make a list of things you liked and would like to continue. Ask your spouse to contribute to this list too.

Day 17: Pray for your spouse

Prayer is a powerful thing. Pray for your spouse. Pray for your marriage. Ask God to help guide you toward reconnection with your spouse.

If you want more guidance on this, I created a 30 day praying for your husband challenge that you’ll love.

If you’re not religious, do this instead: grab a paper and pen. Write down all of your hopes and dreams for your spouse. Taking the time to think about this will strengthen your desire for your spouse to thrive.

Day 18: Start a new hobby

Make a list of things you enjoy doing. What things do you enjoy doing with your spouse? What is something you can start doing together that you would both enjoy?

Remember that this doesn’t need to be difficult. It can be as simple as going on a walk after dinner to talk and reconnect.

Day 19: Go on a walk

Go on a walk together and talk. Take in the sights and sounds. Really be present with your spouse.

This one is easy to incorporate your kids in to. Strollers and bikes are a great way to help them keep up.

Day 20: How does your spouse define connection?

Today, I want you to ask your spouse these questions: “How do you define connection in our marriage? What does it look like to you?”

This is important because you need to know if you have different ideas when it comes to defining connection. Something may work for you that doesn’t for your spouse.

Understanding where they are coming from will help you make decisions.

Day 21: Do something romantic

Bring some romance back into your marriage. Think about things that make your spouse feel special.

It can be as simple as cooking their favorite meal while they soak in the bubble bath you prepared for them.

Day 22: Analyze your emotional intimacy

Does your marriage lack emotional intimacy? Is there any room for improvement?

Take the day to think about how you and your spouse connect emotionally.

Day 23: Ask your spouse how they’re feeling

How is your spouse doing today? I know you’re busy. But take the time to really like to how your spouse is feeling today. Make your spouse feel seen.

Day 24: Make a list of things you’re thankful for

What aspects of your marriage are you truly grateful for? What qualities do you appreciate in your spouse?

Take your time with this one. I suggest starting this at the end of the day and noticing the little things. Share your list with your spouse at the end of the day.

Day 25: Connect when you’re apart

Any time you and your spouse are apart today, make an effort to connect. Send a sweet text letting them know you’re thinking about them.

Day 26: Schedule another date

Regular dates may not be feasible for some budgets. Even if your next date isn’t for another 3 months, it’ll give you both something to look forward to.

Day 27: Have an at home date

Put the kids to bed and do something you enjoy together. The trick here is to set the mood: candles, relaxing music, good food and a special drink.

Anything that feels special to the two of you will do wonders for your evening!

Day 28: Consider your own needs

Don’t neglect yourself. When your needs have been met, you’ll be able to focus on others better.

Day 29: Ask your spouse a fun question

Ask your spouse something random and fun. Start a fun dialogue. No talking about work and the kids!

Day 30: Reflect on what went well

What went well during this challenge? Did anything help you feel more connected to your spouse?

Do more of what worked and you’ll find that connecting with your spouse becomes a lot easier!

Final thoughts on how to reconnect with your spouse

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Couples counseling can be done solo if your spouse isn’t ready to join you yet. Read my review of a great online couples counseling that will help you strengthen your marriage and reconnect with your spouse.

There are so many reasons to stay married and work on reconnecting with your spouse. Find what motivates you to begin working on your marriage and don’t look back. Marriage is hard but SO worth it!

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