A couple of months ago, I sent out a big survey asking couples all sorts of questions on communication—specifically around parenting decisions with their spouse, but also communication in general.
And you know what I saw over and over again?
Couples tend to either give in, ignore an issue, or try to “let it go.”
Now, sometimes letting something go is the right choice—there are things you don’t need to bring up.
But here’s the problem: when you don’t address the things that really bother you, resentment starts to build. And that resentment makes it a whole lot harder to resolve the issue down the road.
One of my coaching clients used to do this all the time. She would just let things go, mostly because she didn’t know how to talk to her husband about them. But after a few sessions together, she started practicing bringing up what was bothering her—without attacking or blaming.
And the results? They began having conversations they’d never had before. Their communication shifted, and their marriage started to feel more positive and connected.
So if you’ve been needing a sign, here it is:
- Yes, it’s okay to let little things go.
- But if something is bothering you deeply, you need to bring it up. Because clearly—it’s important.
And here’s the key: the way you bring it up sets you up for success or failure. If you want to know how to share what’s on your heart in a way that helps you be heard (and doesn’t make your spouse feel attacked), I cover this in my course Communicate Without Arguments. It will walk you step by step through exactly how to do that.
About the Author
Melissa is a wife of 8 years and mother to 2 young kiddos. She has a passion for helping couples prioritize and strengthen their marriage after having kids. She knows firsthand how difficult it can be to connect with your spouse when you have little people running around, demanding all of your attention.